You asked me 4 times yesterday and twice today why it seems like i dont wanna talk to you anymore.. I lied that its not true, but it is true.
I realised the mistake im making, the same mistake i made, a grave mistake. And i dont wanna continue, or worst, sink into it and make it a mistake that might be irreversible in time to come.
I dont wanna be caught in that kinda situation again, cos it really hurts. Its so painful i bet you can never imagine how bad it could be.
Its not easy for me to pretend i dont care or dont wanna talk to you like how i used to, because it somehow amazingly became a routine, but yet i dont wanna end up with the same outcome of my foolishness. I dare not try..
im sorry i lied- twice.
My msn nick, was meant for you.
I really dont like how im feeling right now. Its that kinda feeling which i felt every weekend one year ago where i just wait and wait for something to happen. I dont like it.. i really hate it because its making me recall every single detail of the break up and crazy days. I wanna forget all about it, all about the unhappy moments i had and i dont ever wanna go through it again. Somehow someway im feeling it right now and i dont know why! Dont tell me, i have fallen for you cos it cant be.. i wouldnt let it happen ...
Im home the entire weekend, only to realise you'll never be around to talk to me like how you used to ..
Welcome home my friends from downunder .. i want my tim tams!
Apologies accepted - lets call it an end.
I felt the pains when i saw that text coming in from you. It felt exactly the same as my previous one and i didnt like that feeling one bit. You probably didnt do it on purpose, but i dont wanna be remembered of the past which ive been trying so hard to forget.
Dont wanna be in the same situation once more, im gonna walk away and keep my distance.
I may have been trying to avoid all these while, may have been trying to deny. I dont know if it was because of that sms which made me realised i was in denial or was it only because it was something so familiar.
You have been missed, and ive decided to give it a miss.
Touch up my eyelashes, had a hair cut and went to JB for dinner. Finally my Saturday is not THAT routine!
Chatting with a friend i thought i lost now on MSN, makes me smile smile smile =)))
And i find myself smiling to myself pretty often recently, especially when i got home seeing offline messages on my MSN. hehe
Getting a new phone tomorrow! Still cant decide between N97 or Blackberry Bold.
Gonna do soft rebonding and probably a hair dye soon.
Probably get my nails done soon too.
Maybe i should go laser my tattoo away.. been procrastinating for the longest time! 7 years.. omg
Finally managed to talk to him like normal now. Im glad, very glad =)
Waiting for Michelle to come back from Japan cos she's helping me get a Agnes B bag. Speaking of which, i havent bought any expensive stuffs this year except for a pair of Gucci shades and CK heels. Im so proud of myself!!
Rewarding myself with a Agnes B bad should be quite ok right? Though im super tempted to get the Chanel double C classic................
and today i saw the Loewe Amazona i've been thinking of getting (which i got the Napa Mundo instead). Fell in love with it AGAIN. dang
Okays time to sleep!
Will you stay if i asked you to? sweet.
Dont blame me for the things ive done or how things ended up looking, blame yourself for the things you did or did not do that cause the current ugly look.
I knew it will all end up this way so i had tried all my best to refrain this from happening, but you persisted on being this selfish and self-centred so continue to being yourself.
Dont drag me into your second season cos im climbing outta here.
Yeap, so i did eyelash extension and i kinda like it though i did rub a few strands off my eye. But i like it that i dont have to put on any make up on lazy days and could just leave the house as soon as i came out from the showers! And on tiring nights when i return home, all i need to do is give my face a quick wash and go to bed. yayyyyyy
ANDdddddddddd best thing of all? My friends and colleagues are tempted to do it too! hehe
Okay so i am officially out of CS and trust me when i say i left with a really heavy heart. Receiving calls and emails from people around the firm and the world makes it harder for me to move on. My big boss Stuart also gave a very heartwarming speech about me and it makes me even more upset that all the efforts ive made to build this career path has to end and its not even my fault.
But you know what? Im gonna make history happen, at Barclays (which i am starting work really soon) so i foresee lotsa OT and stress = more pimples on my already very pimpled face.
No seriously, all my friends who saw me recently had given 2 comments. 1) What happened to your face?! and 2) I think you put on weight.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I was on leave on Monday so i cleaned up my room and packed my wardrobe throwing away tons of clothes i havent worn a long time though some i had to think twice but decided to just throw it as well to make space for new clothes but after packing all the wanted ones back i realised there still wasnt much space. wth
And i really hate cleaning cos my nose is ultra sensitive to dust so i wore a face mask while cleaning my accessories table but i still got a really bad flu after that.
Then i cooked dinner for my bro and i and washed up after that before i lie in bed all day watching television and feeling really worn out and sick. Before i knew it, i had a fever last night and i couldnt breathe properly. I woke up twice to get water cos my throat was so dry it felt like it was gonna be torn into pieces.
Decided to stay home today because i was feeling weak and i woke up with a mega backache and slept and slept before cooking dinner and wash up the dishes.
I havent done so much housework in a long long while and i still hate it very much. Must have fallen sick because of doing them !! Im still having the occasional sneeze and my throat seems to start to hurt and the dizzy spells as usual plus the extremely bad backache now.
arghhhhhhhhhhh must be the haze! 3 more working days till i leave CS ...
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
* mates.
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
* commentators.
Alan
Alex
Alvin
Andrew
Angela
Angie
Anothergal
Audie
Aychuen
Celine
Daphne
Denise
Emelia
Eric
Eugene
Florence
Gabriel
Gena
Grace
Guang
Ian
Iylia
Jane
Jason
Jean
Jennifer
Jingmin
Jingyang
John
Joshua
Joycelyn
Leanne
Leonard Khoo
Leonard
Leroy
Lina
Lynn
Marcus
Meiting
Nur
Rayner
Ron
Ruoci
Samantha
Shawnie
Siwei
Steven
Weiyang
Yihao
Yuping
Yvonne
* archive.